10 Reasons Why Pets Are Bad For You

1) You can’t wear lip gloss any more

Obviously not a problem for 50% of the population but seriously!  It’s like not only do the hairs stick to the gloss but that it actually actively attracts them.  Occasionally I make the mistake of applying it while working and I then spend every consult fiddling my lips.  If I see a rabbit, it’s basically game over.

Yeah, so no more lip gloss.

Yeah, so no more lip gloss.

2) The slobber

There is a string of slobber hanging off one lip, you spot it from across the room, can you get to it in time?  Nope!  There it is; enthusiastically flung onto the sofa, wallpaper or cushions, where it will be almost impossible to remove.  Owners of slobbery dogs know the truth and ou can tell who they are because they will have little snail trails at doggy head height on their trousers.  At the ankle? That’ll be a Basset.  On the knee?  Labrador.  Boobs?  Hello St Bernard!

3) Living on the edge

That tummy is so fluffy and soft.  He looks like he wants you to tickle it.  His face is so innocent, maybe just a little stroke.  Ok, this is going well, he’s loving it, stretching out, purring. Then, oh no! Too much!  Hit the wrong spot!  Lulled into a false sense of security you went one scratch too far.

Now your hand is trapped in a kitty death hold and there is no easy way out.  You are going to look like you’ve been high-fiving Edward Scissor-Hands, there is no escape.  Truly, pant wetting stuff.

Look at that tummy!  It's so fluffy!  So cute!  So touchable!  No!  Stay away!

Look at that tummy! It’s so fluffy! So cute! So touchable! No! Stay away!

4) The smell

Maybe you are super house proud.  Maybe you Febreeze the heck out of the place daily.  Maybe you restrict the dogs to just the kitchen.  It doesn’t matter, you are on to a loser.  There will always be a slight odour, which you won’t notice and guests will just have to learn to love.

Even if you think you have beaten it – one tummy rumble, one silent but deadly gaseous emission and your little darling is able to clear the room without even waking up, sigh.

5) You talk to strangers

Your mother always told you not to but out dog walking it’s like one big cocktail party.  There is always someone keen to strike up a conversation and once they have told you how great their dog is, you can’t help but counter with a tale (tail?!) of your own.

It is also helpful to build up some sort of rapport for when your pooch does something unspeakable and totally ignores your commands.  They might be a delinquent but at least your fellow walkers might have come sympathy.

6) You develop a frightening lack of fashion sense

Why bother even trying to look good when you know you are going to have to brave the elements and knee deep mud on a daily basis?  Soon you have a wardrobe of sensible fleeces, unflattering trousers and jumpers even your Granddad would think twice about.

However, if you find yourself considering a jacket depicting a wolf pack at midnight, it has gone too far.

7) There is no room on your phone

To be fair, selfies are hard when one of the parties doesn’t know when to look at the camera, or how to do a good duck pout.  It can take a lot of tries to capture the perfect spontaneous moment.  Also, they are just so darned cute!

It’s a good thing you can upload them to Facebook really, where everyone can appreciate them AND you free up the memory!

So, yeah, there's no room on my phone.  How about yours?!

So, yeah, there’s no room on my phone. How about yours?!

8)  You have no money

And I’m not just talking about vets bills here.  Have you seen the amount of accessories todays modern pet simply must have?  It’s not just a case of a lead and collar anymore.  Even Emma Bridgwater produces a range of food bowls  Toys, beds, coats for the cold weather, treats, food for special dietary requirements, regular trips for a shampoo and set, the list is endless.  Just a shame your bank balance isn’t.

9) There’s no room for you

Whether your favourite armchair is now the dog’s, or a HUGE cat scratching post and high rise residence has taken over, or the rabbit’s hutch is now the focal point of the living room (not to mention the wires are so well armoured you can’t actually get to the plugs), it’s amazing how one small furry family member can commandeer so much space.

The best thing to do is just to sit quietly in a corner and not complain…. and if they chose to ignore their extremely cumbersome and costly resting places and sleep on you instead, then you are just stuck until they wake up I’m afraid!

10)  You become a crazy cat/dog/rabbit lady/man

There is no escaping it.  Once you have your pet and realise they are the best animal that has ever lived, you simply need to accept your fate.

Stop those strangers, wear your fleecey gillet with pride, empty your current account and join us!

You can follow me on Twitter; @cat_the_vet and find me on FaceBook;  Cat_The_Vet

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